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Thursday, June 5, 2008

Memory Lane

While I am relatively new to this whole blog thing, I did used to write the occasional one on Myspace. Remember Myspace? It was a place for friends, but then it became a place for creepy child molesters and spam gurus, so we all left and went to Facebook. Or so the kids tell me that is what happened. I just followed the herd on that one to be honest. Baaaahhhh. Anyway, I thought I would repost some of my blogs from Myspace here from time to time for my entertainment because I'm pretty sure I am the only one reading my inane babble. This one was written on April 18, 2005 and is about meeting strangers at a bar:

So, Friday night I am standing at the bar talking to my friend and this older blonde woman walks up and stands next to me. I just keep talking with my friend and minding my own business. She taps me on the shoulder and I turn and she pulls out a stool and tells me to sit down. I say no thanks, I’m fine standing. She starts insisting and this ridiculous back and forth goes on for what feels like an eternity before I finally say why don’t you just sit down, which she mercifully does. Now this woman was probably late 40s I’m guessing and was one of those 9 to 5 types (not that there is anything wrong with that) who had gone out with co-workers after work and gotten absolutely plastered and was cutting it up on the dance floor to a bad cover band doing bad Van Morrison covers. You’ve seen the type. Anyways, now that she is sitting I turn back around, but apparently she is determined to engage me in conversation, so I get the shoulder tap again. Now she slurs out something in what resembled the English language I am familiar with, but it was still pretty much foreign to my ears. I said excuse me and leaned in closer to try and hear better and she mumbles something and then licks and kisses my neck. I say oh really that’s cool. I grab my friend and introduce him to her in hopes that he can break this up, but he is having too much fun watching me squirm and goes outside for a cigarette. Now I’m left with this woman who keeps standing up and licking me and keeps trying to grab my hand and pull it towards her chest. I’m gripping the bar like I’m hanging on for dear life from a 20 story high ledge. She then informs me that, apparently, she used to be a burlesque dancer 30 years ago. Yeah I’m buying that. I’m plotting my escape when her friend (also absolutely smashed) comes up and demands that they leave. I felt like hugging her and telling her I loved her for getting her friend away from me. The friend walks out and my new dancer friend lingers for another minute, I would guess hoping that I might ask to leave with her. I don’t budge and she leaves. Phew. Now about 10 minutes goes by and I’m thinking man, how many cigarettes is my buddy smoking? He has been gone a while. He comes back in laughing his ass off. I say what the hell were you doing and he says that when my blonde friend came outside she went up to her friend that wanted to leave and they started throwing down! Apparently they were scrapping for a good 2 or 3 minutes before it finally got broken up. Then while they were making up, all of the sudden they started having at it again for another couple minutes before again being separated. You just have to love Manhattan night life.

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